A lot of the dog owners that I see and speak to on a day-to-day basis have been conditioned by society to believe that if they give their dogs a huge amount of love, attention, and happy experiences their dog will love them enough to do anything for them. Their dog will naturally come when they call them. Their dog will certainly do as they ask them. Their dog will adore them.
And I’m sure their dog will love them.
But dogs are opportunists to one degree or another, and if they see a certain behaviour as advantageous to themselves, they’ll do it. If they don’t, they won’t – unless they have no choice.
I regularly see dogs who have the most amazing amounts of love, affection, and liberty. Their homes are overflowing with toys, treats, cushy beds and even clothing. They have the best care and grooming that money can buy. And yet they can’t be taken anywhere or included in anything because they simply have no respect for their providers. They don’t listen and they play up. They undoubtedly love the family but do not listen to them when the chips are down and would be a liability at a party, on a camping trip, or at a café.
Why?
Because they are treated like kings and queens by the family who inadvertently present themselves as minions. They are fawned all over and catered to so what else are they supposed to think?
So let’s have a look at the first and most fundamental thing that is required to change your dog’s behaviour – your own mindset.
Do you need a Mindset Shift?
There's a lot you can do to teach your dog all the things that they really ought to know. Obedience training, implementing rules around the house, building confidence, or working to decrease fear, anxiety, or aggression. However, before you begin trying to do any of these things, in fact, before you even touch the dog or the lead, I suggest that a lot of dog owners are going to need a mindset shift in order to try and sort out issues with their dogs.
The permissiveness that a lot of people show to their dogs may well be undermining all that they seek to achieve, simply because the dog is shown all day every day that they can go anywhere they like, any time they like, and do anything they like.
If they don’t listen to you in small matters they are not going to listen to you in big situations.
If they can’t do as you ask them at home, they are not going to do it out in public.
If you can’t control small behaviours, then you are not going to control their big behaviours.
If you don’t teach impulse control and self-regulation then your dog has no way of controlling their own impulses or regulating their own emotions.
Do you feel like your dog NEEDS exercise, playtime, or off-leash time at the park in order to settle down or listen?
I have no doubt that your dog likes all of those things and that you love to see them enjoying themselves, but the idea that they cannot listen to you, or do as you ask unless they have had these things first is a misnomer. Have no doubt that you are rewarding your dog and then asking them after the reward to earn the reward.
Why would they bother?
Try rewarding your dog with an off-lead run because they worked hard on a nice long stay for you and did a great job. Or offer them a game with a favourite toy because they have minded their manners so nicely whilst you were on a Zoom call with a client. Take them for a walk because they are loved and valued not because you must wear them out.
Do you feel like your dog has the RIGHT to go anywhere they like any time they like to be happy?
Do you feel that if they are restricted from entering a part of the house or need permission to come up on the sofa their life will be ruined? Do you believe that your dog will not cope or is not capable of functioning if they are banned from a certain room?
Undoubtedly, your dog loves careering around the house, in and out of any place they like and investigating every single place/object/person that they encounter, but they are more than capable of learning to deal with some restrictions. Life can be just as sweet when they lay on a dog bed vs laying on your bed.
If you make it so.
Do you feel like your dog will not love you any more if you limit where they can go or what they can do?
And we come to the heart of the issue and that is that most people don’t want their dog to look at them like they are mean, use their sad eyes or head off to the corner to sulk. That tugs so massively at their heartstrings that they simply are unable to follow through and set some meaningful boundaries or restrictions.
The fundamental mindset of some dog owners is so permissive that, whilst that mindset remains in place, it won't matter what type of training they undertake, nothing will be a true success because their dog will quickly figure out how to run rings around the new structure.
Most dogs are opportunists - if they can do something, they will. If they can't, they won't. If that something they want to do feels good, seems advantageous or gets them what they want, they will do it - and probably more.
So, do you truly want your dog to listen to you, show some respectful behaviours and still maintain that super-strong bond?
Ok, let’s do it!
Start by shifting your mindset to suggest that:
My dog loves exercise, playtime, or off-leash time at the park, and he/she can earn that by learning to settle down and listen.
Teach them a nice long stay (I suggest 1 hour) in a drop or on their mat and then reward them with a nice long walk.
Work on your recall at home under distraction so that they can earn their park time.
Practice your loose lead walking in a quiet area, then go a bit further, then build it up to a nice long walk. They’ll begin offering nicer, calmer behaviours.
My dog might like to go anywhere they like any time they like, but they can be just as happy with some boundaries in place.
Teach your dog to wait on the floor until you ask them to come up onto the sofa and then have a big cuddle with them but vary the wait time and gradually extend it.
Make a couple of rooms at home off limits – especially any areas that are targets for their misbehaviour – but invite them to come in there with you when you are with them. They’ll begin looking to you to get the things that they want.
My dog isn't going to hate me if I show them clear consistent guidance, because I'm firm but fair.
They will begin to understand that you are not Hitler and you are not an unpredictable raving lunatic. But you are not a doormat either. Love and respect go hand in hand, and I guarantee that the firmer you are – along with fair – the more they will look to you, and adore you.
Just like kids might not want to eat their veggies, go to school, or do their chores, we all know that they benefit immensely from having a structure enforced at home that they can rock solid rely on, so dogs also benefit from the enforcement of rules that they may not want to follow. So, if you want to treat anxiety, fear, aggression, overexcitability or general misbehaviour, start with a rock-solid structure at home - which comes from shifting our mindset from a "permissive parent" to a "firm but fair family".
Case Study:
Two-year-old Maxi had lived with a beautiful family since he was a puppy. He was well-loved, beautifully groomed, and had lots of toys and beds. He could go anywhere he liked in the house any time he liked. Food and water were always available, 24/7. And he loved to play, so they always played with him.
But he also liked to bite.
If he wasn’t in the mood to be touched, he would bite.
If he didn’t like you looking at him, he would lunge with teeth flying.
If he wasn’t happy with you coming past, he would attack from the sofa, chair, or dog bed.
Mum had been bitten. Dad had been bitten. The young person had been bitten. His canine sister had been bitten. No one was happy or safe, and so Maxi was surrendered.
Maxi came to live with a dog trainer for foster care and rehabilitation.
He learned to drop & stay or to remain on his mat, for an hour plus, no matter what was going on in the home. He learned to come inside only when asked and that he wasn’t allowed on the furniture unless invited. He learned to never come into the kitchen or laundry or to wander off down the hall.
And so many other rules.
He tried biting to get out of it but that did not work.
He tried growling, lunging, and snapping and that did not work.
But gradually it did not matter. His attitude changed along with his skills.
Today Maxi lives a life of never getting on the furniture unless asked to but is taken for off-lead walks daily. He has no access to food unless it’s mealtime and must ask nicely for pats and cuddles without jumping up but does not hate his new Mum. Just the opposite – he adores her.
And people remark on what a beautiful relationship they have all the time.
Maxi learned his limitations, stopped thinking only about himself and learned to live a bigger life. Mum number 1 was lovely but needed a mindset shift. Mum number 2 is lovely and has the right mindset.
Maxi is the winner here.
About A New Leash on Life Dog Training
Because I use a balanced approach to dog training if you choose to train with me, we will be using positive reinforcement and rewards, but we will not be using food. I prefer not to rely on food because I don’t want to take food with me every place I ever go, I don’t want my dogs to learn to ignore me if I have no food or run out, and I don’t want to end up in a situation where I might still be of less importance to my dog, even with food, than the dog he's playing with or bird he’s chasing etc. Additionally, I do use the word no, and I do teach a consequence process for ignoring me or for an unacceptable behavioural choice, but without resorting to fear, intimidation, or pain.
So, for me, I train my dogs the way that I feel aligns with my belief system – rewards for listening and good behaviour but without food reliance – consequences without violence for inappropriate choices.
What do you believe in?