Is Your Dog Being Stubborn? Or are they Confused?
- anewleashonlifedog
- Aug 2
- 6 min read
Have you ever asked your dog to do something, and they just stared at you? They just stood there wagging. They didn’t even seem to hear you. Or they just ran off and did their own thing
Clients tell me that they get this from their dogs all the time.
And it’s easy for people to think that their dog is being stubborn, naughty, or defiant. And occasionally they are, but most of the time, that’s not what’s really happening.
Stubborn vs Confused: What’s the Difference?
Firstly, let’s talk about the word stubborn.
It’s a word that I’d love to see deleted from dog training most of the time. Because it’s a really convenient crutch for dog owners to lean on. A great excuse for having a dog that is poorly trained or untrained.
It almost feels socially acceptable to have a ‘stubborn’ dog.
So, for your dog to be truly stubborn, he must:
Understand the command, rule or boundary
Have practiced it many, many times
Choose not to respond, even though the situation is within his capabilities
And yes, I know some dogs really do have a naturally stubborn streak. But that’s usually shaped more by what they’ve learned than by their personality.
Whether you intended it or not, you have taught them the things they are doing. Or not doing.
And, in the majority of homes that I go into, I see dogs that are not responding the way the owner thinks they should.
But it's for a very different set of reasons:
Mixed signals from the owner
Most owners have no idea that they are sending extremely mixed messages. These are usually blatantly obvious to me when I enter the home of a new client. From patting (rewarding) the behaviours that they hate. To yelling incoherently at the dog. They range from one extreme to the other.
(And yes, we also know that some owners are doing much worse than that. But I rarely see that. Most dog owners who are violent to their dogs would not pay for a dog trainer. For the most part, these are well-meaning people.)
Lack of consistent follow-through
The dog training industry as a whole has a lot to answer for, in my opinion. Because the commonly accepted way to deal with unwanted behaviours in dogs is to ignore them.
You’re a 'bad person' and a 'bad dog owner' if you punish your dog. And so the world of general dog owners has become soft, lazy, and permissive.
Don’t tell them off.
Never chastise or punish.
Well, that’s rubbish!,
The reality is that people out there ARE saying no to their dogs. They just don’t know how to make it work. Because no one teaches them appropriate reinforcement that doesn’t involve food. They don’t know how to follow through when their dogs ignore them.
And so the dog learns that ignoring is easy, acceptable and beneficial (to themselves).
Punishing without teaching first
Of course, there is also the other end of the spectrum. And that is that some owners are inadvertently punishing or causing failure. Because they never actually show the dog what to do or give them a chance to do it. They just assume the dog should know it.
Like asking the dog to sit whilst yanking on the lead and forcing the sit.
Or yanking the dog’s collar and commanding “heel” in the middle of a walk when they see another dog coming. This seems out of the blue to the dog.
Owners don’t even realise they are correcting the dog in most instances.
Too much, too soon
Finally, there are so many people who are expecting too much. They think that because the dog can come back when called, for example, at home, they can do it at the park.
Or the dog stays on his mat when we are alone, so he can do it when guests are over.
Or he can sit when I get his food ready, therefore, he should be able to sit when dogs are walking past.
It simply doesn’t work that way.
Understanding a little dog training theory will open a dog owner’s eyes to the challenges that their dogs face. And that they also face alongside their dog.
How to Train Smarter, Not Harder
So let's talk about some ways that you can ensure that your dog is not confused.
Check clarity first
Do YOU know what you want when you give the command?
And do you always mean the same thing?
Then add other family members and check consistency is present across everyone.
Does the dog truly know the command in low-distraction settings? And can you gradually work on making the exercise harder at a pace the dog can handle?
Remove the grey areas
Be clear and consistent
Use the same words and expectations, but make sure you’re not doubling up. For example, drop (lay down) and drop it (relinquish an item) are too big an overlap.
Check how each person is following through with commands or rules. (Or are they following through at all?)
Understand the challenges
Practise where the dog can succeed before increasing difficulty
Gradually add distractions
Gradually expect more from them with less help
Know when to back off or reduce the challenge so success is a possibility
Follow through kindly but firmly
Help the dog understand that commands aren’t optional
Reinforce rules even if they give you the puppy dog eyes or other tactics
Maintain boundaries even when situations are different to normal
Understand rewards and use them appropriately
Understanding consequences and using them where needed
A Mindset Shift for Owners
Changing their dogs’ behaviour or responsiveness begins with the humans.
We need to understand more. Have better skills. And change our demeanour. The majority of dog owners that I see understand this. Without human change first, canine change is unlikely. And certainly not something that will last.
But for most people, putting aside long-built-up frustration, potential anger at the dog, or even dealing with their own emotional responses can be difficult. But it is certainly necessary if you truly want to change the way that your dog sees you. (Or do they even see you?)
Also, the way that they respond to you and the way that they feel about what you want (or don’t want) from them. Clear communication and consistency are much more likely to create respect for you. And reliability from your dog.
So perhaps it’s time to try to put aside the emotions. (As much as possible). And look to upskill ourselves. Then we might be able to assess what our dogs need to receive from us, so that they can give us what we want from them.
Next time your dog seems stubborn, pause and ask yourself. Do they really understand? Or are you just assuming that they do? Are they really being stubborn? Or are they confused?
If you’re unsure whether your dog is stubborn or confused, and you want a plan that actually works, my training programs are designed to give you clarity, confidence, and results. Drop me a line today and I’ll recommend a program just right for your situation.
About A New Leash on Life Dog Training
Because I use a balanced approach to dog training if you choose to train with me, we will be using positive reinforcement and rewards, but we will not be using food. I prefer not to rely on food because I don’t want to take food with me every place I ever go, I don’t want my dogs to learn to ignore me if I have no food or run out, and I don’t want to end up in a situation where I might still be of less importance to my dog, even with food, than the dog he's playing with or bird he’s chasing etc. Additionally, I do use the word no, and I do teach a consequence process for ignoring me or for an unacceptable behavioural choice, but without resorting to fear, intimidation, or pain.
So, for me, I train my dogs the way that I feel aligns with my belief system – rewards for listening and good behaviour but without food reliance – consequences without violence for inappropriate choices.
What do you believe in?
